"That's why they call it Bloodbowl, Bob." - A Match Report

"Hello sports fans and welcome to the second match in this year's season of Bloodbowl!"

"That's right, Jim, and this time we have another first time coach taking control of the Reikland Reavers. It turns out that, although he's never coached a team before he was a professional player of some sort of game called Rugh-bee."

"What's that, Bob?"

"Bloodbowl for little girls, Jim; no spikes and apparently they try and keep injuries to a minimum."

"That's positively obscene, Bob."

"The teams are getting ready for the kick off here and the Orkshire Rippers are receiving. And almost immediately, they've grabbed the ball and they're making a break down the wide zone."

"Another aggressive play from the Rippers, Bob. But - oh, that's a good block by the Reivers and they've shut the play down."

"Unless the Rippers go for a long pass - which they do. Can the Reivers get anyone over to stop that Ork Linesman from making it to the Endzone?"

"Not with the Rippers piling into them like that in the midfield, Jim. That's a TOUCHDOWN!"

"As we set up for the next kickoff, you can see the aggressive style of play of the Reivers coach there, Bob."

"Yes, Jim, and he's piling a catcher down the wide zone there to receive a long, long, pass - but he's not thrown the ball yet, he's throwing a block on the line of scrimmage and --"

"--oh dear, Bob, that's bad news. With a turnover there his catcher is all alone deep in the Ripper side and there's nothing to stop them from taking him down. That's a rookie error that's going to cost the Reivers, Bob."

"But look at this, Jim - one of the Linesmen has slipped through the gap in the defensive line and is powering down the field!"

"There's nothing to stop that guy equalling the score Bob - unless that Ripper Linesman can throw a successful block --"

"Which he can't - that's a TOUCHDOWN!"

"This is turning into a nail biter of a match, Bob."

"Yes indeed, Jim. But with only two turns on the clock of this first half, do you think the Rippers receiving here can realistically score?"

"I don't think so, Bob - and looking at that set up, I don't think the Rippers do either."

"Jim, am I right in thinking that the Ripper coach is going to just try and hold on to the ball and then do as much damage to the Reivers as possible?"

"Certainly looks that way, Bob. And there we go!"

"That's brutal, Jim; I don't care what race you're from, that's gotta hurt."

"That's why they call it Bloodbowl, Bob."

"And the Reivers are responding in kind. This isn't a game, this it carnage!"

"Isn't it beautiful? The Reivers throwing a foul onto the that guy - but the Ref has seen! And the Rippers are getting in on the fouling action as well - the air is filling with the roar of the crowd and the cracking of codpieces as yet another player is sent off! Oh, the humanity, Jim."

"This is nothing to do with humanity, Bob. It's not humane to do that to a guy he's down. So at the end of that first half we've had two players sent off, one death, two KOs and the score is one all."

"Setting up the second half, the Reivers are playing more cautiously due to their being three men down but you can see the Rippers piling on to the line of scrimmage again; they've tasted blood and realised they like it."

"Oh my word, Bob look at the Rippers go; they're steamrollering into the Reivers like... Well, like a steamroller over a halfling garden party. Oh look at that - the Rippers are gathering around the fallen players and - I can't watch!"

"You don't have to watch, you can hear the screams from here. Definitely Soprano now as well, Jim."

"The Reivers Dugout is full to overflowing! They simply don't have enough players on the field left to stop the Rippers from strolling down the field!"

"Especially not when the last two men on the field are boxed in and have their nadgers stamped into flapjacks, Jim."

"Setting up for what has to be the last play, Bob, and it looks the the receiving Reivers are going to make a cage and grind down the wide zone there."

"There they go, Jim. And they're sending the Blitzer round the cage to receive a pass - he's close enough to make a run to the Endzone and score in the last few minutes unless the Rippers can close him down."

"Which they do, with quite considerable force. And what are they doing now, Bob?"

"I think it's called 'kicking a man when he's down', Jim."

"Best time, Bob. And at the final whistle there it's 2-1 to the Rippers; we had four players sent off, one death and at one point it looked like we'd need to build an extension to the dugout to hold all the injured players."

"Now that's what I call a good afternoon out, Jim. See you next time, Sportsfans!"

Another game with a first time player who very quickly got the hang of it. I think we might have the makings of a league...

There is no 'i' in 'team'. There is a 'bloodthirsty bunch of maniacs', though.

This is probably some sort of record. 22 years ago I bought a Dark Elf bloodbowl team. And then I thought I'd lost them. And then I found them again!

Today I finished painting them. That's a hell of a wait in the lead pile. Anyone out there beat 22 years between buying and painting some miniatures?

Without further ado, here they are:

I have a couple of games scheduled this week - one against a professional rugby player! - and so it seems likely they'll get a run out.

So here are the heavy hitters, the two Witch Elves and the Star Player, Harkon Heartripper:

The positional chaps, two Blitzers and - probably the most important player the way I play DE - the thrower:

And finally the blackbone, the linesmen.

For anyone that's interested, the uniforms were done with my 'ghostly' recipe; black primer, blast of grey primer for pre-highlight, then white drybrush and a green ink wash. Fast and effective; white highlights give a luminous quality and some silver and red gems help break up the green. The skin was a simple blue-tinged affair. The bases were done the same as the Human and Orc teams. 

The team name will be either the Pitfiend Stilettos or the Niflheim Ravens; I am currently torn. Any suggestions in the comments below would be appreciated.

I have one more team to pick up and then I'll've covered the four main playstyles I'm interested in.

Expect match reports to drop next week.

"Let's Play Ball!"

"Hello sports fans, and welcome to this inaugural match of the 2016 season."

"That's right, Bob. It's been 20 years since the coach of the Orkshire Rippers fielded a team and the Coach of the Reikland Reavers is new to the beautiful, brutal game."

"It's nice to see their teams in the new strips as well, isn't it?"

"Yes, Bob; until recently both teams were in grey."

"It looks like we're ready for kick off here; having won the toss, the Reavers are kicking toward the Rippers. And almost immediately there's carnage on the line of scrimmage as one of the Rippers' Linesmen makes a break down the wide zone!"

"That's a fantastic play, Bob and a well deserved touchdown. As we go into the next play the Reavers are receiving and - oh no! ITS A FUMBLE!"

"And there go the Rippers, breaking deep into the other half, they've picked up the ball and - surely they're not going to try and pass the ball wide to the Black Orc Blocker Ragnar Butterfingers out on the other wide zone?"

"That's a brave choice, Bob - the Rippers aren't known for their air game-- and yes, Ragnar Buttefingers has dropped the ball."

"The Reavers have scooped the ball up and - look at him go, Jim!"

"That is an impressive run, Bob. The Rippers have been caught badly out of position here. I don't think there's any way they can stop him - and indeed they can't. That's a touchdown bringing the score to one all."

"This is a nail biter of a game and no mistake, Jim. The Rippers dominated the early game and they've put a lot of the opposing players down - some particularly bone crunching moves from the Blitzers there, but the Reavers have come back big style."

"Too true, Bob. Luck certainly turned against the Rippers in this second half. And here go in the final run of the match. This is the last play, with only 8 minutes left on the clock, Bob. Can either team pull a last minute miracle out of the bag?"

"Not if they drop the ball like that, Jim. That's the Rippers done, and the Reavers can't quite get there and finish the run to the end zone. But they are doing their best to put as many Rippers on the ground as they can before the final whistle blows."

"Put them on the ground and, in the best tradition of the game, stamp on their nads, Bob."

"That's right, Jim. This is how the game is meant to be played. Good to see a new coach becoming one with the spirit of the game. And there's the final whistle. As the teams gather for their team portraits taken by the Official Illusionist from Spike! magazine, we can see that the Reavers have lost three men and the Rippers Coach appears to be making some point about his general luck."

It's easy to forget how good Blood Bowl is. Enjoyed that throughly and might have to treat myself to the new edition. More importantly, might be time to pull my old team out of storage and paint them. Hope you enjoyed reading as much as we did playing. 

Bring out your dead!

I hadn't realised until I bought them that I'd seen them before; Lord Awdrey had painted some up. 

But these are the rather fabulous Plague Doctors from Foundry, painted up for my Dragon Rampant Undead force. They will serve as Heavy Foot, spreading disease wherever they go. 

Really lovely sculpts and castings. 

The disease spreading goo in the bucket is painted as an homage to Herbert West Reanimator. 

Certainly helping getting my mojo back. And, as an extra plus point I managed to score one of my all time Holy Grail minis in a cheap job lot off eBay today, so Doctor West is a happy bunny.